The Runaway Bunny

"If you become a sailboat and sail away from me,"
said his mother, "I will become the wind and blow you to where I want you to go."
                                                             -Margaret Wise Brown

I read this book tonight to the kids and i seriously had to stop frequently to hold back the tears. Dorian asked if i would follow him forever. Arwen asked if i would take care of her if she got "the dementias" like daddy.

My God, have i been so absorbed with Jim that my kids would even ask if their mother would be there for them? 

At times when I would ask Arwen what she thought if we put daddy to live somewhere else she would say "if we help each other we can do this a little longer momma" and that is all i would need to find the strength to keep going. then, things got really bad and i had to send them to live at my mothers. 

Thru this whole thing i tried to teach them about endurance, love, acceptance, respect, faith...but i feel at times that all i taught them was that their daddy's needs trumped theirs.