Hope

Today is the 1 year anniversary of jims death. I'm staying at home today. Nobody is coming over. I will not call anyone to "talk". Why? Because I don't want to have someone try to make me laugh or discuss how I need to move on or point out that I am doing much better. Nor do i want to feel someone roll their eyes on the other end of the phone as soon as I mention the significance of the day, and then pretend to be interest for the rest of the conversation.
I have 2 friends on this earth that would respect my need for solomnness on this day. But I won't call them today.
That's it, only 2 fucking friends who have shown me true brotherly love in this past year. They don't understand the pit of despair that I was in for the past year but they were willing to go down in it with me whenever I asked them to.
The day Jim died is the day I felt like the Holy Spirit left me, I felt like this the whole past year, that God had reniged his promise. Now, on the anniversary of jims death I realize that the Holy Spirit had been showing itself to me though these 2 friends. That God had never gone back on his word and never will. Hope. That is what I feel today. Hope.