Our Children

I was so out of it on the day of Jim's service that i was wondering how we all looked. We meaning the kids and I, well Jim too, but he was in the casket. So I took a look at the photos taken from the day.

this is jim, in the same spot where he had died a week before.

this is me, looking at jims body leave our house for the last time.

this is arwen watching the pallbearers carry her daddy's casket across the front of the house

and this is dorian watching his fathers casket being loaded into the hearse for the last time.

I couldn't actually witness jim being put in the hearse and driven away from our house. i quickly ran inside searching for my pills. but the kids watched, as the pictures show.

 They were even present at Jim's work service, i had to leave the room i was so overcome with emotion, i just sat in the hallway sobbing. But my six year old stayed and listened to the eulogies being said and even took condolences from everyone. Her father would have been proud. 

At night Dorian asks to see the picture of him kissing daddy goodbye. Right after jim passed, dorian climbed on top of him and told him goodbye and gave him kisses. Now the picture of him doing this brings him comfort. But it makes me cringe.

My children were acting so brave that day and in the ones to come, and here i was running away from reality or sobbing in a hallway or cringing at a picture.

I am glad i involved them in every step of this experience. Children can be very poetic in their words and actions when you seem to need it the most. Although they don't fully understand the finality of death, or do they, they have shown me what courage should look like when you are dealing with it.