Sunday, February 6, 2011

widow bitch

this is what i've become lately.
i stopped my meds (except for anxiety and sleeping ones) 2 weeks ago today. i did it cold turkey, which i know is not a good idea, after my therapist told me i might have PSTD.
that's it, i want it to end. i don't want to do this anymore. i'm tired of grieving, i'm tired of being numb. i want myself back.
i missed my last 2 appointment's with my therapist and i won't be convinced to go back anytime soon.
i feel like a coward taking the pills and going to the therapist. when jim's death came at me with flying glass and fists i thought, bring it, i wasn't going to let that scare me away. now here i am, fleeing from my own feelings, from this pain death left behind. i have to go through this...naturally. i want to feel like i've made it to the other side with my mind.
some rough emotions are headed my way, i can feel them coming. and i want to meet them head on.

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