today was another bad afternoon. lots of anger and sorrow (and an infinite amount of tears). why couldn't you fight this harder Jim? why did you leave me here?
i can't call and talk to anyone about this. i'm pretty sure people are sick of it. and when i say these things aloud i feel like i'm gonna lose it.
the 6 month mark is coming up soon and i am so afraid. i have to move on and leave jim behind. in a way my heart has been sort of waiting here; waiting for him to come back, waiting for someone to fall into his place. my mind has known that this is impossible, but in grief i have learned that the mind and the heart no longer have a line of communication between them.
this is pretty much impossible  for people around me to understand. no fault of their own, in this respect i find that ignorance is bliss.

i just want things to be as they were. i'll even take you in your demented state. if i could just touch your face one more time...i think that would hold me over for another 6 months.