Friday, February 18, 2011

today was another bad afternoon. lots of anger and sorrow (and an infinite amount of tears). why couldn't you fight this harder Jim? why did you leave me here?
i can't call and talk to anyone about this. i'm pretty sure people are sick of it. and when i say these things aloud i feel like i'm gonna lose it.
the 6 month mark is coming up soon and i am so afraid. i have to move on and leave jim behind. in a way my heart has been sort of waiting here; waiting for him to come back, waiting for someone to fall into his place. my mind has known that this is impossible, but in grief i have learned that the mind and the heart no longer have a line of communication between them.
this is pretty much impossible  for people around me to understand. no fault of their own, in this respect i find that ignorance is bliss.

i just want things to be as they were. i'll even take you in your demented state. if i could just touch your face one more time...i think that would hold me over for another 6 months.

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