the last days

It was a on a friday night that he was taken to the ER for a check up. His leg wasn't getting better, he appeared to be having small seizures. The ambulance pulls up and he recognizes me. He smiles. ....wow, this is hard to write... feelings of rage, pain, sorrow, are brewing and bubbling up inside ready to overflow.
I'll just stick to the basics. I had texted my friend from the hospital that I could swear jim was dying.- That was on Sunday. On Tuesday  I was asked if they could test him for "mad cow" disease. I said "no more pain, give my husband a pain patch and something for anxiety". I'll call hospice, the doctor said.
The hospice nurse came late afternoon that day. She looks at jim, "wow, he is actively dying. I wasn't told that". she leaves the room and is on the phone. I just think "no shit". I knew this was coming, after telling everyone till i was blue in the face that he wasn't going to last the summer. and now it was clear to everyone else. I had had his last rights given the night before and now i needed him to get home. fast.
I got him home on the next day in the afternoon. I was told he would last 2 weeks or more. I told them he wasn't going to make it thru Friday. They smiled and said they had seen this before. --and i gave up, nothing in me could fight anymore. I just said okay, and agreed that the doctor, social workers, home health aids, ect. would come on Friday.
That night my brother went to get the morphine. it was late and he was very tired but i said we needed it tonight. At 5:00am we gave it to him, I made the calls. Everyone said that they would come later in the morning, that it wasn't time. At 6:30 am Jims heart stopped, you could actually hear it stop beating. Then the last breaths came.
--alot had happened in the last days that i just can't write about right now. Jim was alert, his eyes had been fixed and glassy since that Saturday. but he could kiss you and talk.

-this post isn't what i wanted it to be. but it is all i can give at the moment.-