Realization

While lying in bed staring at the ceiling this afternoon (kids were taking a nap) I came to a strange realization about myself. NOTE-this is not deep, i attribute it to the pills i take.

Anyhow, I've always thought those people in the zombie movies who keep their afflicted loved ones chained to the wall, or chair and feed them bits of once living things were nuts. Or down right fucking crazy. I mean what is the point of keeping them around? First off, whatever made them who they were (their spirit) died, and secondly, they might or will kill you when they get the chance. So they should obviously get the hell away from them or make it so they can't kill others (basically just kill them).

So when i think of what jim (or what was left of him) & I have been through in the last 7 months i realized that i am that fucking crazy person or at least was. Jim was sick with no hope of return and i was seriously putting myself at risk. I was choked, hit, almost raped, ect. by a loved one who was losing his brains. It was rational to have him placed in a secure facility. But every time he was released from his 5150 holds i fought to bring him back. Why? That's fucking nuts. He could have killed me if he wanted (he is 6'6" and i'm 5' nothing). Was i crazy? did i think i could bring him back? would i follow him to the ends of this earth? did i? --I did not act rationally then and knowing that is what is holding me together now.