tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.comments2023-04-02T02:39:57.656-07:00Wake me when it's overG.C. McKinneyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16004611986833261240noreply@blogger.comBlogger32125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-75789164672724337242017-10-09T12:10:44.663-07:002017-10-09T12:10:44.663-07:00Reading this I can only cry with you!! The FTD fo...Reading this I can only cry with you!! The FTD forum brought me here. wife3https://www.blogger.com/profile/13143539934408008201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-74243244180008990262016-01-24T11:20:27.417-08:002016-01-24T11:20:27.417-08:00Please read these verses when you get the chance- ...Please read these verses when you get the chance- Isaiah 55:11-13; Jeremiah 49:11; Psalm 146:9; Psalm 68:5; Isaiah 54:4-6; Revelation 21:1-7; Jeremiah 17:5-8; Isaiah 2:22; 1 Corinthians 7:29-35.<br /><br />http://theantisatan.blogspot.com/2015/10/what-must-you-do-to-be-saved.html<br />AntiSatanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02255460467679894100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-4506319387395783712016-01-24T11:20:10.925-08:002016-01-24T11:20:10.925-08:00God has been the difference in my own life during ...God has been the difference in my own life during times of loneliness, heartbreak, and pain. I know too well what it means of not getting encouraged by others and the hurt that comes from that. I've found that only God always offer encouragement and hope, much better than any human can offer. I can only imagine how it feels to be widowed. I have the taste of having a soul tie broken- I've gotten dumped in the past and it's hurt me so much in the past. The Bible teaches that a sexual relationship (whether marital or premarital) results in the man and woman becoming one (a soul tie). I believe that even emotional involvement (without having sex) also creates soul ties, but to a lesser degree than a sexual soul tie. Rejection and abandonment are all painful things. King Solomon said that everything in this world is vanity, everything is meaningless- a chasing after the wind. Eventually whatever we gain in this world (relationships, success, wealth), we lose them all at some point. There is something you can never lose though- God. God surpasses everything in our lives. Our thirsting for things in this world (especially human relationships) is evidence that we need something greater than those things to satisfy us because everything except God will end up failing you in some way. God has promised us that He will never leave us nor forsake us. God can't die on us and leave us in a state of loneliness. God won't cheat on us, dump us and go off with someone else. Whenever you feel lonely or feel that you're missing something in your life- realize that God wants to fill that void in your life. So many times I've been ignorant about the Bible. We're trained from our birth to live by our senses- thus we look to perceive God with those senses. Most of the time, we can't perceive God with our senses as He is a spiritual being. God has wanted me to develop my spiritual senses and rely on His word (the Bible) to experience Him. I've learned to always see God's word as alive, powerful, and relevant for each day. When I've failed to see that in the past, it's robbed me so much joy and peace. I've learned to look at the Bible as a powerful and active gateway/portal to God. We can try to occupy our minds with so many different things in this world to try and fill the void in our lives or suppress the pain, but all of those things will keep us still hungry and thirsty. God has promised us that if we reach out to Him, He will give us rest, quench our thirst, and satisfy our hunger. If you haven't done that, I hope you will give God a chance. I further hope that God will use you to go and reach others with His word, just like He has used me to reach out to you. Many people in this world are hurting just like you. Many are just looking for a simple act of kindness or a word of encouragement (words are powerful- they can heal and motivate or when used in an evil manner destroy others) which they don't receive from others. Ultimately, many even end their own lives because they feel hopeless and want to end their pain of torment- all because they've failed to see God was nearby all along and they failed to perceive Him with their spiritual senses. God loves you more than any human in this world! He wants to be your companion today and take care of you and your family's needs. I hope you see and explore His love for you today through the Bible- the Bible is the secret source for unraveling peace and joy for you when you can't find them in this world. I can't give you physical copy of the Bible right now, but you can freely access it online at (www.biblegateway.com). May God bless you, heal you and strengthen you and your family. Continue to write and help others for His glory. Claim God's promises to you from His word today. Humans will likely fail to encourage you when you really need it, however, God won't fail. All you need to do is turn to His word. It is available 24/7 whenever you need it- to experience God. AntiSatanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02255460467679894100noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-73522953390370802092012-05-19T13:40:00.880-07:002012-05-19T13:40:00.880-07:00Thanks for removing my email address, Gayle. I ap...Thanks for removing my email address, Gayle. I appreciate that. <br /><br />I'm glad you have a widows' site to get together on with others who are still in pain. For me to share what I did on here was hard, because to share I needed to let you know some of the difficult stuff that others do not understand. Now that I am further ahead in the healing process, I just want to focus more on the good memories of Paul I could have used a group earlier on but I didn't know anyone who had similar symptoms. This made it a lonely road. I did learn much and in retrospect, can see how much I was blessed through it and afterward. You don't come out the same as you were when you went in. That can be good or bad, depending on how we choose to think on it. When you are in it, that is more difficult to do. Once the heaviest part of the grief is past we can start seeing more clearly the blessings we have gotten from being there for someone we loved as they were also going through this thing. I am at a point now, where I can begin doing things that I enjoy doing and am making a new and different life for myself. I pray you will do well and eventually have mainly happy memories and that your children will also focus on the happy memories. They are so beautiful!<br /><br />May God watch over you and your family,<br />take care,<br />AnnieAnnie Lawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15173903298619817508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-65867684708300112922012-05-07T12:28:05.016-07:002012-05-07T12:28:05.016-07:00This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.Annie Lawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15173903298619817508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-82009620249410235432012-05-06T20:05:37.763-07:002012-05-06T20:05:37.763-07:00Hi Gayle,
There is much more I could share but I&...Hi Gayle,<br /><br />There is much more I could share but I'm doing well now. If you need to share, there probably isn't anything (or much different) that I haven't experienced than you have. I am speaking of behaviours, hurting things said, anger at the health system and others. <br /><br />I am trying to say, I am open and understand how degraded and put down a caregiver of a loved one with FTD can feel. I think for you, it was probably worse because of how young your children are. <br /><br />I just happened on to your site here from a link from another couple sites. I'm glad I did. I got a message on my face book but I didn't know if it was from here or from my blog. Now I know. Thanks. You know where I am. <br /><br />Take care,<br />AnnieAnnie Lawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15173903298619817508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-62294795712809910692012-05-02T23:01:57.663-07:002012-05-02T23:01:57.663-07:00annie, i think i found my widow twin!! i have neve...annie, i think i found my widow twin!! i have never heard of anyone like you! yes, my husband was diagnosed with FTD but after brain autopsy he was found to have ALZ, which was a shock to the medical community at UCLA. it is a very hard disease to deal with. i will private message u later. take care. -gayleG.C. McKinneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16004611986833261240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-74004335962252986482012-05-02T21:53:17.395-07:002012-05-02T21:53:17.395-07:00Hi Gail?
Paul was diagnosed with a frontal demen...Hi Gail?<br /> Paul was diagnosed with a frontal dementia,the aggresive behavioural type. As the dementia accelerated. He became more aggressive. I got rid of anything heavy that could be thrown, as he would throw whatever was closet to him. I locked up tools and knives etc. because of threats. I put a lock on my bedroom door so I could feel safe to go to sleep. Most of his punching or kicking me happened in public, such as on the street he would kick me in the butt. If someone else made him angry he would end up punching me in the head either with his fist, or with a bottle of water. This was more embarrasing than painful. On a city bus he would yell out, "I feel like killing you." I have had people in Sears store who were going to call security because he said he lifted his fist as to punch me in the face and threatened to chop everything up in pieces. He threw a steak knife into the wall. It left a dent in the wall. This was directly across from where I had just been sitting. I just got up to go to he fridge. The look on his face was one of shock and disbelief at what he had done.<br /><br />I need to tell you, that this type of behavior, plus yelling at other people in public, especially in stores, stuffing stuff in his pockets like cheeries, napkins, plastic bags etc.. were all part of the disease acting out. Impulse control had gotten worse.<br /><br />A lot of the time, other then being super critical, a he also had sweet periods and had developed a sense of humor which he didn't have before. It was like living with two different people who could switch in an instant. Nursing homes would not take him because they were not trained to deal with violence. I felt abandoned by the health system, as they didn't know how to deal with it. I had no respite and my only resource was an online group for Frontal temporal dementia, although it was mixed dementias with only two that I know of that were similar with the agressive violent impulse control issues. I learned all I could, and pretty much learned that he couldn't change his attitudes so I needed to change mine. It took me about a year to get that down. Once I was able to stay calm even when he was upet I could shorten the duration of the agitation and output of that. The only other option was a mental hospital for violent people. He was not a big man, only 5'8 and about 140 pounds. He would not have survived in there. I chose to take care of him. <br /><br />I took him to the hospital because of breathing problem. He died four days later. I wasn't prepared. I guess we never are. I had a very difficult time dealing with his death. I felt a major part of me was missing and I no longer had a purpose as I had been caregiver for him for 18 years. I didn't know who I was anymore and I felt as if the grief and crying would never end.<br /><br />It took me over a year to get interested in life again. It is a whole new world. Everything is changed. There is no time limit on grief. Just tell your children all the good memories, and as for the bad ones they witnessed, telling them what you already have is good. When they are older it will be easier to give them more information on the disease. As for yourself writing memoirs for them, you will be able to do that later, maybe many months later but right now you are just surviving. Denial is normal even for many months. Just progress at your own timing. The day will come gradually but it will come, where you will actually begin feeling normal again and alive. <br /><br />I will be praying for you and your children.<br /><br />AnnieAnnie Lawhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15173903298619817508noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-12023518571618517522012-02-13T22:34:49.106-08:002012-02-13T22:34:49.106-08:00g, your concern and privacy, the children and how ...g, your concern and privacy, the children and how things may affect them is touching...it's tough trying to sort through this stuff, but you've got a pretty good handle on it.<br /><br />fredhendrixx2https://www.blogger.com/profile/05024891458819732575noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-62643460474474634682012-01-08T14:45:46.522-08:002012-01-08T14:45:46.522-08:00I could have written this blog. Even my husband&#...I could have written this blog. Even my husband's name was Jim. I'm only 3.5 months out, so I'm still fresh and raw. My little girl sees pictures of him or something of his and says, "My Daddy." Hell, she tried calling him on any phone she could find for a month. I have thought about writing what happened during his last 12 hours, just so maybe it would get out of my head - but I haven't done it yet. Jim couldn't even record books for Sarah, so I don't have any files of his to stumble upon. I have also wanted to write "our story," maybe that will be easier than if it was just me. I completely relate to your concern of having to choose caring for Jim over your children. I appreciate your candor and your blog.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-78871671315972486142011-11-29T19:54:03.271-08:002011-11-29T19:54:03.271-08:00(((hugs to you three)))
From us three in NJ.
You...(((hugs to you three))) <br />From us three in NJ. <br />Your children are beautiful and so are you to be able to share your journey with us others on the widows path. There has to be people that will see us as more beautiful because of our scars like Supa Dupa Fresh said. I live with the knowledge my sharing causes others pain...so conflicted about how much to share the pain of my living with others that can not fathom being without their loved ones. Starting to get easier because I am trying to feel gratitude for what I had and like you what we made(two beautiful children) So many others on the planet never get that.doula staceyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15131452733893921214noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-76259527394798685352011-11-24T06:00:30.421-08:002011-11-24T06:00:30.421-08:00But maybe that new person will react with compassi...But maybe that new person will react with compassion and appreciation for how you coped with everything since then. Maybe they will be shocked at how sad and unfair the world can be, and yet how bright and responsible YOU are. And maybe they will see how your scars make you more beautiful. <br /><br />X and OXO to you 3 today.Supa Dupa Freshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07659738264922395349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-15150230415442176252011-11-17T19:50:28.683-08:002011-11-17T19:50:28.683-08:00I'm happy to see you post again, Gayle ... and...I'm happy to see you post again, Gayle ... and that you have hope once again. Filling that missing part with something good and loving for your kids is a really wonderful goal. One day at a time. Those beautiful kids of yours are worth it ... and so are you.A Myeloma Widow's Journeyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12981186370330523189noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-49716332808978137822011-09-01T10:11:56.432-07:002011-09-01T10:11:56.432-07:00Hope. Sometimes it's all we have.
Peace to ...Hope. Sometimes it's all we have. <br />Peace to you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-34560515616152523542011-06-10T21:47:19.165-07:002011-06-10T21:47:19.165-07:00Love it!Love it!Mariahttp://missingjorge.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-22963194651356380452011-05-07T19:55:22.234-07:002011-05-07T19:55:22.234-07:00Wow....change the word Jim to my husband's nam...Wow....change the word Jim to my husband's name and it's almost exactly what I have said (and more) numerous times. Either it's a normal part of the grieving process or we're both f*ing crazy. Going to the gym and yoga classes to calm my anger have helped...but it always comes back. It's been 12 weeks since that day my life changed forever. In some odd way it felt good to read this. The 2 widows I know have said they didn't go through "the anger part." Glad I'm not alone.dbenjaminnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-57447923892422872872011-01-22T17:10:27.090-08:002011-01-22T17:10:27.090-08:00Open a book... Turn the tv on... Sped a little cas...Open a book... Turn the tv on... Sped a little cash. Get happy.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-19620173458514684922011-01-19T09:20:32.227-08:002011-01-19T09:20:32.227-08:00Crap, you were at Camp and I didn't say hi to ...Crap, you were at Camp and I didn't say hi to you... or did I? I SUCK. <br />I'm sorry.<br />Anticipatory grief is a horrible animal, but what strength you have that called you to seek out others. I met one widow before Gavin died... she was wonderful... it gave me some sense I guess that I could survive.<br />BLEH. I'm so sorry for January....Supa Dupa Freshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07659738264922395349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-51556229594910964272011-01-19T09:15:13.332-08:002011-01-19T09:15:13.332-08:00OMG, that is NOT what they learned. They learned t...OMG, that is NOT what they learned. They learned that you WILL always care for them. Kids ask questions, it doesn't mean they are afraid, I mean a lot of the time it does, but I think your kids are pretty secure in YOU from what I read here. <br /><br />Not my professional opinion, just my knowing how it feels, a little bit, to be their mother after -- and in -- your ordeal. ONE OF LOVE!<br /><br />I'm so sorry. YOU ARE LOVED.<br /><br />By weird strangers on the internet, thankyouverymuch.Supa Dupa Freshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07659738264922395349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-7496966992818370092011-01-05T22:33:42.005-08:002011-01-05T22:33:42.005-08:00Supa-I have never met another cross-generational w...Supa-I have never met another cross-generational widow with a young child before... i get a lot of "...oh! but he was old. ...so weren't you kind of expecting it?" yeah, like tell that to my small kids. we met in college, he was a math prof and i was a math major- you can fill in the rest i'm sure. <br /> <br />I went to camp widow shortly before my husband died. He was expected to live another 7 years or so at the time, but something in me told me that i needed the information it had to offer soon. that is how i found out about your blog. and a lot of other ones, but yours and Healing Art really made me think. <br />best.<br />gayleG.C. McKinneyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16004611986833261240noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-69185565806995877352011-01-03T07:24:02.332-08:002011-01-03T07:24:02.332-08:00Hi sweetie, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'...Hi sweetie, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm sorry I didn't sooner; somehow your comment escaped me between reading on my phone and following up. I'm all subscribed now. Did you know my hubby was born in 1946? We were 20 years apart. <br />Anyway, I'm really sorry. Also? Your reactions that we can check off for each post? Very clever.<br />LOVE.<br />SupaSupa Dupa Freshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07659738264922395349noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-45448175684266017922010-09-20T10:43:55.550-07:002010-09-20T10:43:55.550-07:00Gayle,
Your pain and Jim's pain is so palpab...Gayle, <br /><br />Your pain and Jim's pain is so palpable. Keep writing. I am so sad you both had to experience this Ever. thinking of you, <br /><br />JeffraAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-13294541556855827382010-08-17T11:36:26.354-07:002010-08-17T11:36:26.354-07:00I'd totally let you have my seat dude or I wou...I'd totally let you have my seat dude or I would totally give you my ring if you let me have your seat! That was a cute clip. <br />-SarahIdle Handshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17187206994828672823noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-80486054792303596592010-08-03T16:27:31.880-07:002010-08-03T16:27:31.880-07:00Hi Gayle,
I'm glad set this up, so we can all ...Hi Gayle,<br />I'm glad set this up, so we can all understand what is going on with you guys. To read these posts and actually get what you've been going through is so devastating. I've been scared to even ask you because I don't know what to do, and I can't even come close to knowing how you feel. I hope it at least helps to write and to know that someone is reading it. Doug and I will be there when you need us.<br />-LizAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4565507850920849739.post-54068653667402463692010-08-03T09:42:28.652-07:002010-08-03T09:42:28.652-07:00I am so sorry you are going through this hell. I i...I am so sorry you are going through this hell. I imagine it is all you can do to live day by day. Sweet Dorian, he is precious.<br /><br />xoxoJeffraAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com